4 Step Technique

The 4 Step Technique can help transition us from the Pain Cycle to the Peace Cycle! Circle all that apply and work through the 4 Steps audibly by calling out your top three in each Step or by sharing these things with an accountability partner when you are undergoing feelings of pain or hurt.

PAIN CYCLE:

1) I feel ....

  • Unloved

  • Inadequate

  • Powerless

  • Vulnerable

  • Unworthy

  • Unacceptable

  • Out of Control

  • Invalidated

  • Insignificant

  • Hopeless

  • Unsafe

  • Abandoned

  • Alone

  • Unwanted

  • Insecure

  • Failure

  • Worthless

  • Discouraged

  • Disconnected

  • Ashamed

  • Devalued

  • Disrespected

  • Unknown

  • Unheard

  • Pressured

  • Misunderstood

  • Controlled

  • Neglected

  • Defective

  • Not measuring up

2) I normally react by

  • Blaming Others

  • Depressed

  • Perfectionistic

  • Use Drugs

  • Rage

  • Negative

  • Defensive

  • Numb Out

  • Angry

  • Anxious

  • Judging

  • Impulsive

  • Sarcastic

  • Inconsolable

  • Demanding

  • View Pornography

  • Arrogant

  • Catastrophizing

  • Critical

  • Avoid Issues

  • Aggressive

  • Whiny/needy

  • Nagging

  • Hide Information

  • Discouraging

  • Manipulates

  • Lecture

  • Get dramatic

  • Threatening

  • Withdraw to Pout

  • Withdraw to Defend

  • Act selfish

  • Hold grudges

  • Isolate

  • Intellectualize

  • Minimize

  • Retaliatory

  • Fault-Finding

  • Escape

  • Withdraw to Avoid

  • Withdraw to Punish

  • Perform

  • Drink

  • Lose it

  • Shame Self

  • Controlling

  • Irresponsible

  • Cuss

  • Yell at others

  • Shame Others

PEACE CYCLE:

3) The Truth about me is that “I AM…”

  • Loved

  • Capable

  • Powerful

  • Humble

  • Worthy

  • Accepted

  • In control of myself

  • Admired

  • Significant

  • Hopeful

  • Safe

  • Surrounded

  • Not Alone

  • Desirable

  • Confident

  • Overcomer

  • Priceless

  • Encouraging

  • Connected

  • Peaceful

  • Valuable

  • Respectful

  • Known

  • Loving

  • Affectionate

  • Successful

  • Calm

  • Secure

  • Going to Make it

  • Dedicated

4) Therefore, “I WILL...”

  • Accept Responsibility

  • Hope Again

  • Not be judgmental

  • Quality Time

  • Be Joyful

  • Postive

  • Love

  • Acts of Service

  • Be Assertive

  • Not worry

  • Unbias

  • Stop and Think

  • Be Honest

  • Open

  • Listen

  • Physical Touch

  • Be humble

  • Be stable

  • Build up

  • Be Patient

  • Be Truthful

  • Communicate

  • Express my needs

  • Reveal the truth

  • Encourage

  • Share my feelings

  • Comfort

  • Remain Sane

  • Ask for Help

  • Stay

  • Selfless

  • Create Space

  • Forgive

  • Find Support

  • Take a deep breath

  • Not Avoid

  • Give my time

  • Find the good

  • Go for a walk

  • Not Withdraw

  • Be Kind

  • Accept Myself

  • Go on a Date

  • Engage

  • Let go

  • Affirm

Zanessa KastlerComment